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OMG I FOUND IT!
Third time's a chard
Ohhhhhh an online course on PRACTICAL magic! Got it. Thanks for clarifying. That's way more you. Really sorry to hear about the fleecing though. But don’t beat yourself up about it. I think everyone’s been fleeced by an imposter wizard at least once in their life. Well, I haven't, but only because my Dad was an imposter wizard for 18 years so I can spot them pretty quickly. But I bet it's really common. And in your defence, ‘Wayne’ is a very convincing wizard name.
Now, you didn't mention anything about it in your letter, so I just assume you couldn’t actually find the photo of you with your witch nose-job from high school that I asked you about in Letter #1?? That’s okay. BECAUSE I FOUND IT!
Let me know if you or your parents want a copy.
I’ll be honest. It shocked me. It’s so much longer than I remember it being. But the wart and the hairs sticking out of it are just as realistic as I remember! Jeez, remember when you unraveled the bandages in the hospital room for the first time and the surgeon was all like, “FUCK MAN ARE YOU SERIOUSLY COOL WITH THAT FIFTY CENTIMETRE NOSE?" And you were all like, "THE QUESTION IS, DOC, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY COOL WITH YOUR FIVE CENTIMETRE NOSE?", before you pulled out a 50cm cigarette, lit it, took one puff and walked out with your middle finger in the air.
I mean, obviously I wasn't in the room to confirm that story's authenticity, but why would you lie?
In regards to my monthly Kickstarter project, yeah, I am still doing it. It's a little deflating though. After more than 9 years and over 72 (73) Kickstarter campaigns, you'd think at least ONE of them would reach its goal! But no. Not the Micro-Vacuum for Moths, not the Pope-on-a-Rope (or the follow up Pope-on-a-Slope-on-a-Rope), and despite the dozens of private investors, not even The Thumbrella! You remember that one, right? "The easiest way to keep your hand dry while giving your mates the thumbs up!" That failure hit me hard. I put a lot into The Thumbrella. Not as much as you did obviously. Again, thanks again for that. Obviously I'm keen to pay you back but my financial advisor is encouraging me not to. She says I'll be better off if I keep that money for myself. I had a look over the numbers and she's right.
Ahhh yes, the growing! The bane of my existence! Last week I actually thought I'd finally stopped growing! I'd been measuring myself everyday to track my height, and it hadn't changed in 4 days. It was a huge relief considering I was 367cm tall at the time. But then, I don't know whether it was something I ate or did, but last Saturday I grew a whole metre in a day. And what's worse is it happened in my sleep so I couldn't even film it and use it for online content. THAT WAS THE MOST DEVASTATING PART! As of today I'm 484cm tall. Or in the old scale, 3.18 Kylie Minogues.
Okay, well that's all from me — OH WAIT!!! I almost forgot to ask! You keep promising to send me the full lyrics to that song you wrote last year! From memory I think the song was called "My Cinnamon Sunset". Beautiful title. I can't remember what it was about but I do remember being surprised that it wasn't a comedy song, but rather a sincere and heartfelt ballad. Really brave pivot from you, bro. PLEASE SEND! I WANNA SUPPORT YOUR MUSIC!
Till next time, lotsa loving,